The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and closeness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex try these out isn't going to be excellent?".

However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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